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Freedom Returns!… temporarily

So I’ve just turned in my term project early, and I have about a week and a half before I receive the final exam instructions.

It’s… strange, thinking about how in just three weeks I’ll be done with my course, and done with this degree. It feels different from my first degree, probably because my day to day life won’t change that much. Most of my time will still be taken up by work, but I’ll have evenings free to enjoy all kinds of media… and go back to blogging, of course!

Preparations for Japan are going pretty well… I had to make a few last minute adjustments that I’m still waiting on confirmation for, so I’m pretty nervous since if something goes wrong I might not be able to travel… but I think the chances of that happening are pretty low. It was a failure in planning on my part, but hopefully I caught it in time. I’ll elaborate after I get confirmation, I don’t want to jinx it here!

I’ve been watching Amachan recently – it’s quite good! I did spoil myself and read up on the wiki page, though, and I’m undecided if that was a good idea or not yet…. oops. I can see myself in Yui and Haruko more than Aki, but I like all of them. It’s not too dramatic, which is nice, and there are a lot of funny moments, but not too over the top crazy. It’s a nice mix! Hanzawa Naoki is still my most favorite jdrama recently, though. I really hope that gets a movie or a sequel once more of the novels come out… (I think at least one more is in progress right now beyond the three that have been finished).

I more or less gave up on 365 because school was becoming a little overwhelming for a while, but I might go back to it. I’m aiming to take lots of photos on my trip, of course! I did get new cameras just for that purpose (well, and because I wanted to anyway, the trip is just an excuse)! Speaking of cameras, it looks like Casio did release another TR series camera, as I suspected. The TR-35 is the new model, but so far I can’t find price or purchase information anywhere. I wonder if it will be available to buy during my trip… or at all within my budget orz;; I still don’t completely understand why the previous models sell for around $1000 – the technology doesn’t seem to warrant it, somehow… so my theory is that they just sell out really fast and then the price is jacked up. If it’s around $600 I might go for it, but $1000 I can’t do… I wish I could at least find hard release date evidence!! As much as I’d love the minty green TR-15, I’d always regret not getting the latest version orz so it’s pearl white for me, if I can find it…

why contacts are a battle I want to win

I hate putting things in my eyes.

It’s always been very uncomfortable to even get just water in them, much less chlorinated water in pools or eye drops/wash.

But I have also always wanted to try wearing color contacts.

It’s a bit contradictory, I know, but when I was a kid I wanted to have really brightly colored eyes – purple, blue, vibrant green! However, I never had cause to get contacts, and I was (probably rightly) afraid to just go out and buy some blindly without any guidance.

Eventually my eyes got worse and I started needing glasses, which I’ve worn more and more frequently for driving and other less-distant things. Last month I decided it was time, that I should finally try contacts.

Obviously, the contacts I’m dealing with right now are just the normal, clear prescription kind, but the principle is the same. Sticking something foreign in my eye and hoping to adjust… well, that’s assuming I could even get it in there.

They recommended I allow at least an hour for the initial appointment. I think I was there for around an hour and a half, and most of that was practicing putting them in and taking them out and putting them back in again. My eyes were so red and sore I wanted nothing more than to take them out and never wear contacts ever again.

Well, pain fades and resolve returns, and I did try to wear them the following morning. Brilliantly I decided to put my left eye in first, because that is more difficult for me to do, being right-handed. I thought getting the challenge over first would make things easier. It didn’t.

Whether it was my vision being even weirder or just still being terrible at this, I managed to get my right contact folded up inside my eyelid. What was really weird is that I knew it had to be there, but I couldn’t feel it at all. I freaked out. I finally put some random knowledge to use and gently massaged my eyelid downward to help the contact move down from where I assumed it was. After about ten minutes of freaking out and massaging and peeling the eyelid up to see if I could find it, I finally caught a glimpse of the edge and managed to pull it out. Unfortunately this tore the contact in the process, so I couldn’t wear them anyway. I took the left one out and went to work – late – with very red eyes.

As much as I try to overcome it, I’m still pretty anxious about unfamiliar situations, so I wasn’t sure how to go about getting a replacement lens. I debated calling, but of course they – like all medical places it seems – were only open 8-5 on weekdays. I work 8:30-5 so that would require calling during the day somehow, which I tend to have bad luck with, whether it’s long hold times or just bad cell reception at the office. Eventually I decided I would just drop by on the way to work and see if someone could help me. Thankfully, the receptionist was very nice and went to grab me another pair – she said I could toss the old ones.

With my new pair in hand, I went to work. Apparently sometime during the day, they were shaken up enough to cause them to fold over inside their containers which may have caused them to become slightly misshapen… I tried them on that night and wore them for almost 3 uncomfortable hours. I took them out before sleeping and placed them in the sanitizing case overnight.

The next morning was a breeze, comparatively speaking! Right eye took a while, but the left eye was easy – except the lens kept refusing to stick to my eye, having separation anxiety from my finger. Eventually I was able to place it comfortably in my eye, and I went to work. Those were probably the most unproductive 8 hours I’ve ever had. The contacts were dry, my eyes were irritated, and I only had whatever eye drops we had in the house, which were probably not meant for contact lens users, but they were better than nothing. I tried tearing up, I tried blinking like crazy, nothing made them feel less weird. As I mentioned above, it’s possible that the shape was less than ideal, but the thickness is something else. I couldn’t wait to get home and take them out.

I avoided using them all weekend. I just wanted a break from holding my eyelids in place and poking myself in the eye like some kind of masochist.

On Monday, I failed to put them in. I tried for half hour and got nowhere.

Tuesday was the same, long time and no progress. Tuesday night I finally managed to force them in after a long process, but it was horribly uncomfortable and I had to take them out right away.

I felt like I’d lost it. Friday was so good – well, except for it being uncomfortable all day – and I felt like I had finally got the general groove of how to put them in. I was devastated. Maybe I couldn’t do this after all.

I had my one week follow up appointment today. I went into that appointment ready to admit defeat – I have too much going on to be stressing about something so inconsequential – I was rehearsing in my head all the reasons why I just couldn’t do this right now. I checked in with the receptionist and waited for the moment of judgement to come.

I sat down with the doctor and told him about how it was good and then bad and then worse. How I can’t get any work done if my lenses feel that bad. How I can’t even succeed in putting them in anymore. How I don’t know if this is really right for me anymore.

He said – it’s okay, don’t worry, we’ll find something. He typed something into the computer that I couldn’t read because I wasn’t wearing my glasses and left the room. He returned with just one lens. He said, let’s try this, it might be easier.

Hesitant, but trying not to give in to anxiety, I sat down in front of the mirror, and nervously chatted as I prepared to poke myself in the eye yet again. The lens seemed smaller and lighter – although he assured me that the diameter was the same, 14.5! After about five tries, I miraculously just popped it in. I don’t know how else to describe it – it just went in. I blinked. It’s… in? I could barely feel it. He had me read an eye chart with just one eye, which always feels a bit weird, but is doubly weird when you only have one contact. As a side note, I tried covering my contact lens eye to see how the left would fare – everything was blurry… OTL

So, I don’t have a full set of those lenses yet, since they had to be ordered, and maybe a full day with them won’t be magical, but I feel… relieved. More confident. Maybe I can do this?

I don’t want to give up. I want to be able to wear contacts that make my eyes look bigger, that help me wear more accurate cosplay, that help me see without having to wear glasses which get foggy or dirty or wet. I want to be able to wear whatever cute sunglasses I want and still be able to see. Contacts are a fantastic invention – they’re really very amazing. Just a tiny piece of… plastic? vinyl? that’s curved in just the right way to correct your vision and help you see details again. My vision isn’t that bad (although it’s getting worse), so it’s not like I’m blind without glasses, and I spent a long time not even realizing that I needed them because I just thought things in the distance were always blurry. I am always blown away by the level of detail in distant objects when I wear glasses, and being able to do that without glasses is somehow a little mind-blowing. I like technology. Contacts are technology, even if they aren’t digital. (Although, one day…?!) This is something I’ve wanted since I was a little girl, and now I can have it. 

busy busy busy

Entering the last month of my final course of my degree–!

So busy with school, so busy at work!

I can’t wait to have free time again…

My final project is due in a couple of weeks so expect to see more of me then! Before that point I can’t devote my time to anything but required relaxing activities or school work.

By the way, we still have snow here. It’s almost April. Can it melt already please? D:

051.

2014.051Even more camera add-ons! (Well just one this time.) This is a nifty little flash bounce made specifically for NEX camera stock flashes. I’ve been using some aluminium foil as a hack solution up until now, but this looks a lot sleeker on and works fantastically! Not expensive, but takes a long time to arrive as it’s shipped from Korea using the cheapest post.

 

niche

This blog will probably end up becoming incredibly niche.

I don’t want to blog about just one thing all the time – I find it really stressful after a while because my personal interests fluctuate significantly every two or three months.

This month I might be all about photography – new camera, new lens, new technique, new post-processing… process.

But next month I might be diving into a 60+ hour visual novel, physical world all but forgotten!

I tend to do things to exhaustion and then start on something else. I really dislike trying to balance all half-dozen hobbies simultaneously, and honestly trying to do that just ends up being kind of expensive. I cannot specialize myself in one hobby or another because my interests vary too widely with only a little overlap (mostly photography lmao).

When I write blog stuff, I want it to reflect who I am and what I like right now. Sometimes that will involve ongoing threads of topics, but sometimes it might not.

I think there’s value in the mundane, the everyday. For one, my everyday may not be like your everyday. I live somewhere that gets all four seasons, but usually no serious extremes. That’s normal for me, but not for everyone. I work 9-5ish, but these days that feels more and more rare. I talk to myself in Japanese sometimes, depending on how much I’ve been exposed to it recently, and that’s definitely not normal for most blindingly white people like myself.

I often struggle to classify who I am, in the eyes of others. I can never find a box that fits because I’m constantly hopping between at least a few. Sometimes I’m quiet and avoidant, sometimes I’m loud and in your face (although it’s usually with a smile!). How I see myself is not how you might see me, but that’s okay.

In the end, all I really want to do is portray myself accurately because honestly, I think I’m pretty great lmao (I think you need to have a certain level of narcissism to talk about yourself all the time so why ignore the obvious!) but I also want to find more people whose interests overlap with mine so we can share ideas and resources!

After all, wasn’t that the point of the internet, in the beginning – to share knowledge and communicate with people you might never have met otherwise!

050.

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50 days done! More goodies for the new camera – white balance cap and lens thread adapter for it.

slowly catching up with backlog

If you follow the rss feed for this blog, you might notice that I filled in the rest of January with 365photos! I’ll fill in February soon…

School is still keeping me very busy (tonight I’m awake because I had to finish part of a project orz;; ) so I still can’t devote tons of time to this blog, but I’m definitely making plans (and lists!) for when I make my inevitable comeback~

So as you might know, I’m often mistaken for younger than I am… this isn’t because I’m short (I’m not) or that I dress childishly (I don’t think??) but perhaps because of my small face… in the past I’ve been mistaken for up to 8 years younger than my real age! But today we reached a new low… a coworker said I looked 12! (°口°;) !!(a statement that was later revised to 15 after I protested)

I’m only an inch taller than I was at 12 so I guess that’s not too far off but-

am I now aging backwards???

(no it was obviously hyperbole but this person is younger than me even!)

if only I could cure my undereye circles, then I’d feel confident that I really seemed so young ahaha;; 

049.

2014.049

So many snowy days recently… -_-;

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Reading a bunch for my final course in my degree… I keep textbooks on my iPad whenever possible because it’s so much lighter and I can always read any time I have a few minutes.

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2014.047Another nonsense shot of Lucilla (filter by Camera360, as usual)